Twitter: 1% great in emergencies, 99% boring

20 08 2008

I have been experimenting with a little social media tool called Twitter. Here’s how it works: you sign up and then contribute messages / posts / blogs of 140 characters or less. You can contribute the messages online, via instant messaging, or SMS. You can tie in RSS feeds. Then you gather people who ‘follow’ your updates. You can also follow other people’s updates, either through a reader or via SMS to your phone.

What’s the appeal? Well, it caught my attention in relation to Cyclone Nargis, the China earthquake, Georgia-Russia conflict and recent earthquake in LA. In all cases it’s claimed that Twitter broke the story 4 - 30 minutes before mainstream media. Anyone within reach of a phone wrote short messages relating what had happened to their network of ‘followers’. Some media outlets (notably the BBC) have now started their own Twitter feed (or ‘tweets’). This means that if I ‘follow’ them, I will be sent an SMS telling me the latest news.

Potentially I could take photos / video of a disaster on my mobile phone, upload them to Flickr / Youtube, then ‘tweet’ my followers with a tinyurl to go and view them, all within minutes of the event. Imagine the importance of such a swift response for emergency services, NGOs, and even traditional media outlets. Even in the immediate aftermath of cyclone Nargis in developing Burma the mobile network in Rangoon was working reliably.

Or how about the tsunami? Imagine a time many, many years from now when some form of Twitter could act as the ultimate early warning system for such a disaster, with coastal communities following the tweet from the Tsunami Warning System. In Kenya 1 in 3 people has a mobile phone, and in many other poor communities around the world they are equally prominent.

So what’s the problem? Well, a few things to consider:

1) Despite being first to all of these emergencies, twitter wasn’t particularly insightful. ‘Earthquake’. ‘Shit. Big f***ing quake’. ‘Whoa, just felt a quake.’ It’s less than 140 characters, but it ‘aint Haiku and I’m not really closer to understanding what has happened. Potentially any enterprising tweeters could make themselves available for traditional media interviews. They could be singled out by starting to push out more factual or emotive descriptions of what they were experiencing.

2) Many of those who seemed to be providing more in depth information were just linking to traditional news websites. Big deal.

3) A lot of people are pushing the information out, but how many people are actually listening? I suspect that some of the praise for the service would become muted if they measured by followers receiving tweets rather than the number of tweets sent.

4) How much difference is 4 minutes going to make? That’s the gap between the first tweet and the first ‘mainstream’ report from AFP of the LA earthquake.

5) At the moment Twitter isn’t the most effective way of reaching a large audience. The vast majority of people using the service only have a handful of followers. If I’m in a disaster, I’m not tweeting - I’m calling the TV, radio or newspaper, or sending them photos and videos I’ve shot. Somewhere down the track this might change, but for the moment the audience isn’t big enough.

But here’s my main gripe about Twitter: while there are quite a few ways it could be useful, 99% of the time it is the most boring, dull, inane nattering you could imagine. I described Twitter (ironically via Twitter) as ‘just as inane as my blog posts, but more concise’.  Example: here are the two most recent tweets I just grabbed from the ‘Everyone’ feed:

  • Back from my morning run which was decent, longest run so far. Heading into work for another stressful day.
  • Good Morning everyone! At least we are now half way through the week. School starts here today so watch out for the kiddies!!Have a great day.

Super! Gee, I’d love those sorts of insights flowing to my mobile phone 24/7. I don’t know how I could possibly go on without knowing what Jenny from Arkansas is having for breakfast. How can I concentrate on work without hearing about how John in Perth is waiting for his train?

So for the moment I’m just gonna sit back and keep an eye on Twitter. It’s got some potential, but why does everyone feel the need to share the lint from the bellybuttons of their life?

That didn’t make sense. Anyway, the jury is out.

Next on Monkeybizness: Reflections on a mediocre football career (i.e, my football career).

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Marriage: the story so far

19 08 2008

Well, it’s been a fair hiatus, and I’m giving up promising to post more regularly. I hereby undertake to post erratically and without warning or apology. Down to business: how marriage works.

Getting married is great fun. We had a big party, and it was relaxed and fun. I wasn’t nervous, and nothing went wrong. You really couldn’t ask for a better day. The Excellent Missus - who really is a Mrs now - looked hot, and I looked inoffensive. The next day we both woke up with bloody horrible headcolds. We spent the week in Bright at a place called ‘The Odd Frog‘, which despite the slightly crook website, was a great place. The days were filled whispering sweet nothings to each other; ‘can you pass the tissues’ and ‘where are the Sudafed’, when delivered through a block nose, sounds very romantic. Still, we had a pretty good view from our place. Check this out:

Anyway, we’re well back now, and getting set to move into our new place. It is weird that even though our day-to-day existence remains the same as it was pre-marriage, I have been unceremoniously shoved into the domestic demographic. Painting, floorboards and sliding doors have filled the last couple of weekends. And of course where there is renovation, there is Bunnings.

Before getting married, I reckon I’d been to Bunnings maybe three times. Two weekends ago I went to three different Bunnings in one weekend. True story. These cavernous hardware stores have more knobs than the Collingwood cheer squad, more screws than Ron Jeremy, and more timber than an Indonesian rainforest. No wait, that’s wrong - they have the timber FROM an Indonesian rainforest.

I spent the weekend wandering its enormous aisles, grappling with an insight into my future, and an A-frame ladder on sale for $69.95. I discovered I am better at pulling things apart (doors, clotheslines, architraves, anything else) than putting things together (see previous list). The Excellent Missus is born to renovate. Can’t get enough of it, and she’s very good at it too. She brings a vision, which is important. (I bring a vision too, but it involves identity theft and squatting in a house in Toorak for 17 years. It’s just not practical). And while I don’t have any urge to throw it all in and become a tradie, now that the house is starting to take shape, I am taking some joy from the progress we’re making.

But not as much joy as I’ll get from sitting on the couch on a Saturday morning reading the paper and doing sweet F.A.

And then I also went to a fundraiser trivia night for the kindergarten of my wife’s best friend’s sister’s kids. Again, I wondered how two months ago I was getting smashed with the boys, and now I was trying to remember the name of the purple Tellytubby. But the lure of trivia was too much. I left with a jar of jellybeans, a collection of women’s underwear that I suspect my wife was mildly offended by, and an empty wallet. Still, I was impressed by the kindergarten committee’s cunning ability to separate me from my hard-earned. Dead set, they should have just tipped us upside down on arrival and let us go. Early night for everyone. On the upside, the $80 I parted ways with probably would have only earned me a ripping hangover in the pre-marriage days.

Next up on the blog: Twitter - what it is and why it’s stupid.

Later.

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Gettin’ hitched

30 06 2008

Well, the poor old blog is limping along at the moment, which shouldn’t really be a surprise given that I’ve had impending nuptials looming. Next Sunday is the big day. I reckon we’re in pretty good shape. I pretty much just have to have a shave and I’m done. I’m feeling good. Composed, relaxed and very excited about it all. I’m on honeymoon next week - AWESOME! - I can’t wait to just chill out and take it easy. It’s a little island holiday in a sea of work. (That was a metaphor - we’re not actually going to an island, we’re going to Bright). So I wont be around next week, but something resembling normal programming will resume the week after that, with me as a married man!

Hopefully I won’t end up like the (hilarious) ‘You Suck at Photoshop’ guy…





Shock: Jack Black does pretend Kung Fu in interview

15 06 2008

An interview yesterday took a surprising twist when actor Jack Black unleashed a flurry of fake kung fu moves while promoting his new film, Kung Fu Panda.

“I just felt that it would liven things up if I did some whacky pretend moves,” said Black.

“I know it’s not normally part of my repertoire, but with my reputation I thought it would be fun to shake up people’s expectations.”

Black was referring to his industry reputation as a conservative, introverted method actor who is notoriously difficult to interview.

WHO magazine editor Mary Skilton said she was surprised by the outburst.

“Black has traditionally been known for lengthy monologues on the craft of acting, so seeing him mugging for a camera with an eyebrow arched and his tongue sticking out was quite shocking. And then when he did a pretend roundhouse kick and pretended to be in a 1970s Kung Fu film - well, I couldn’t quite believe it!”

Black has apologised for the uncharacteristic outburst, promising it wouldn’t happen again.

Jack Black does pretend Kung Fu in interview

Shock: Jack Black does pretend Kung Fu in interview

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Shit, I just bought a house

11 06 2008

Well it’s a unit actually, but you get the point. It was pretty much an accident - we put in an offer that we didn’t think would make the grade, and it did. We paid a bloody fortune, and I have only the vaguest sense of the debt I’m in. To paraphrase Stewie Griffin, I’m now ANZ’s bitch.

It’s all a bit surreal. This is one of the side effects of online banking - all the figures that are bandied around are only ever numbers on a screen. I reckon if I had to count out the money (even the deposit) I would be freaking out. (That, or I would be waving big wads of 50 dollar notes in a really seductive way, like those chicks who used to stand at the end of the “Dash for Cash” on Channel Nine’s Wide World of Sport - but I digress).

We’re not quite there yet though. We’re getting a building inspection tomorrow and if that is no good, the deal is off. I learned my lessons well when I watched Tom Hanks in The Money Pit.

I loved the tagline on the ad for the place: When Position Counts. That’s real estate talk for ‘great location, but the place is a tip’. The location is good though, especially when we come to rent it out a few years from now. It’s close (but not too close!) to the Monash Freeway, Dandenong Road, Oakleigh train station and Oakleigh market, Chadstone (where we can no longer afford to shop) and Monash University campuses. Excellent!

The house itself isn’t too bad, but it will need some love. I know where I’ll be spending my weekends for the next few years…

Anyway, here are some pictures. The first task will be a decent paint job.

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Real estate advertising

3 06 2008

The Excellent Missus and I are trying to get into the property market - and we’re getting smashed. I know I’m stating the obvious, but the real estate advertising is rubbish. Anyway, I thought I’d have a go at describing a place we might actually be able to afford. But then I remembered we can’t afford anything, hence the price tag below.

This one won’t last long - literally!

Asbestos and concrete are tastefully combined in this delightful two-bedroom chipboard unit.

The spacious courtyard gives plenty of space for the kids to jump up and down on the spot, while a generous freeway overpass provides backyard shade all-year round.

The challenging front entrance leads to a cosy living room with original communist-inspired fittings, perfect for entertaining. The marvellously appointed kitchen was designed by an ex-merchant navy cook, while right angles have been banned from the two bedrooms - they’re sure to have the kids begging to go to the park!

The bathroom features prison-standard showers, with original bath and sink fittings, tiling and mould.

Located within walking distance to the airport, laundromat, local remand centre and light industrial estates, this house is not one to miss!

Auction: Saturday 14th June. Opening Bid $410,000.

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Mick Keelty and Wikipedia

2 06 2008

I would like to point you to this story about Australian Federal Police Chief Mick Keelty, whose Wikipedia entry was…err…modified a couple of days back. I’ve reproduced a bit of it below. It made me laugh because it was just so stupid and immature and loco… just how I like my funny stuff. Enjoy:

Cyber bandit sabotages top cop

John Kidman
June 1, 2008

Wikipedia has been forced to lock its profile page on Australian Federal Police chief Mick Keelty after a cyber vandal portrayed him as a deranged conspiracy theorist.

The nonsensical rewrite appeared on the popular online encyclopedia on Tuesday morning but was quickly removed after The Sun-Herald alerted AFP staff that afternoon.

The unidentified hacker mockingly quoted Mr Keelty warning: “The Americans should stop looking for Osama Bin Laden in Afghanistan. I have particularly sensitive intelligence from aliens - he’s living in an outside dunny in Dubbo.

“At this time he is training terrorist pixies and raising an airforce of stealth budgies to strike at the heart of the infidels, Allahu Akbar.”

The top cop’s often quoted contentious remarks about airport baggage handlers during the Schapelle Corby drug smuggling case were amended to include: “I have very little intelligence. I’m a little teapot.”

And under the heading Crime of the Future he was recorded saying: “One day there will be a man with a black outfit and a really fast black car and he will be called Batman.”

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Whitney: her name is not Susan

2 06 2008

My post yesterday about lazy and obscure rap lyrics drew a comment that provided an answer to a question I have had since the mid-90s: what the hell were Salt n’ Pepa singing about when they said:

Yes its me that he’s always choosing. With him I’m never losing,
And he knows that my name is not Susan.

It prompted this comment from ‘Salt n Pepa Fan’:

So, I stand corrected - the lyric is not obscure, it’s homage. It also triggered a few other things. For example, what sort of idiot bloke confuses Whitney with Susan? I could understand if the song was called My Name is Not Winnie, but Susan? He isn’t even trying.

Of course an obligatory youtube search followed, and it provided this early-90s gem, which I’ll leave you with for the evening. Note the early-90s suit-wearing, hip-hop dancing, primary colour-loving precursors to The Wiggles:

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Saying it twice doesn’t make it a rhyme

1 06 2008

As rappers go, I don’t mind Kanye West. But Kanye, I’ve got a gripe, and as a white middle-class male from Australia I feel qualified to pass on this advice: ending two consecutive lines with the same word is not rapping in my books mate.

I’m going to leave aside the fact that a significant proportion of rappers have given up even trying to rhyme in time with the beat, and turn my attention to some of Kanye’s lyrical curiousities.

Firstly, let’s take a look at a few excerpts from Golddigger - a great tune by any measure:

18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo’ kids got you for 18 years

She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lipo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Michael with ya money
Shoulda got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey (moneeey)

But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave yo ass for a white girl

Notice anything? Yep, same bloody word at the end of every line. In one case, four consecutive lines. Kanye, you’re not even trying! How about this from American Boy by Estelle?

Estelle once said to me, cool down down.
Don’t act a fool now now.
I always act a fool oww oww.
Ain’t nothing new now now.

Time to learn some new words now now, because it gets really annoying when you use the same ones now now, see what I mean now now? But Kanye, I did some homework, and if you can afford it, for just $14 you can buy a rhyming dictionary from Amazon.com! Sweet!

Rhyming dictionary

Imagine if Kanye wrote his own book of rhyming words. This is what the entries would look like:

18 years = 18 years
Now = now
Money = money
Girl = girl

Happily though, Kanye doesn’t hold the title for worst rap lyric ever. That title will always be held by Salt n’ Pepa (with En Vogue) for their slightly confusing effort in Whatta Man:

Yes its me that he’s always choosing. With him I’m never losing,
And he knows that my name is not Susan.

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Why I love the Eurovision song contest (2008)

25 05 2008

I can’t believe it has been 12 months since I linked to this tripe from the Eurovision song contest. For sheer bat-shit loony, in 2008 you can’t go past Bosnia and Herzegovina. Enjoy:

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