Monkeybizness

Okay, a bit of caveat before we get started:

a) I generally don’t like posting three items in one hit, but I’ve got to get this stuff out while it is still (sort of) in the news.

b) This post is gruesome. But, if you’re one of those people who cranes their neck around busting to get a look at a car crash, even when nothing much has happened (you know you are), this is a post for you.

A story in the Australian media last week caused me to compile the Top 5 Coolest Head Injuries to Survive list. I know, it’s voyeurism or something, but look at the x-rays! They are insane. I am always amazed when you see the follow-ups to these stories, and the survivors are good as new in a matter of weeks.

Number 5: Bullets

I won’t say too much about this story of a 10-year-old girl in Sierra Leone, because it makes me very, very angry. However, it is also a crazy thing to survive. Of all the items lodged in this list, a bullet would have been travelling the fastest.

Number 4: Steak knife

This story is a beauty. The survivor had a steak knife thrown into his eye, presumably for having a name like Chaz. Immediately after the injury he perceptively noted: “I was yelling, ‘I’ve got a knife hanging out of my eye.’ I could see it with my right eye and I was trying not to blink.” No doubt the bloody great big dagger in his eye would have helped with those efforts. For the record, he made a complete recovery – his eyesight is perfect.

Number 3: Drill

I can’t say it better than the article itself: The construction worker lost an eye but survived a freak accident without brain damage after falling from a ladder and onto an 18-inch-long drill bit that impaled his skull.

“I’m very fortunate I’m not paralyzed or dead,” the 41-year-old electrician said.

“I ran my hands up the drill bit, up to my eye, and put my other hand in the back of my head and felt it coming through the back of my head,” he said. “And that’s where pretty much the shock set in.”

After weighing their options, doctors essentially unscrewed the bit to remove it.

Number 2: Lots and lots of nails

Again, the article tells it best: A construction worker had six nails driven into his head in an accident with a high-powered nail gun, but doctors said they expect him to make a full recovery.

Mejia, 39, was atop an unfinished home when he fell from the roof onto a co-worker who was using the nail gun, Los Angeles County sheriff’s Deputy Mark Newlands said.

“They’re extremely powerful,” Newlands said. “They’ve got to drive through three-quarter-inch plywood.”

Three nails penetrated Mejia’s brain, and one entered his spine below the base of his skull. Doctors said the nails barely missed his brain stem and spinal cord, preventing paralysis or death.

Five nails were removed the same day and the sixth, in Mejia’s face, was removed after swelling went down.

Number 1: A CHAIR

This is the story that caught my eye (no pun intended) last week, and got me thinking about stupidly over-the-top head injuries. This one is also my favourite because it is just so ridiculous that anyone could survive it. Read the story, look at the picture – it explains itself.

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